Gallup Poll Trots Away
By Josh Cohen

 

In an unprecedented action, the nation's favorite polling institution, the Gallup Poll, has trotted away. Sources close to the poll, who wish to remain anonymous, have reported that he was mercilessly abused during the Democratic and Republican Primaries. The downtrodden poll decided that he would run away in order to avoid further abuse in the heated presidential election soon to come.

Witnesses claim that the poll was actually trotting away, refusing to embody his trademark gallop, even as thousands of political strategists chased after him. One particularly devious strategist, hoping to change the poll's decision to run away, polled the American people himself. The poll found that 73% of the people wanted the poll to remain a mainstay of American political propaganda, while 20% of the people wished the poll would die a horrible painful death. The remaining 7% would not answer until they could either poll the audience or phone a friend. Margin of error was 4.2%.

These results did not phase the Gallup poll, as he continued to trot away into the sunset. Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-Mississippi), whose name happens to rhyme with trot, denied that his unusual name in any way influenced the poll to trot away. He stated, "Gallup was a good friend of mine, and his escape may prove to be the downfall of modern American politics."

GallupÕs rider Yankee Doodle Dan, was outwardly perturbed. "I guess the modern media was just too much for him," the flamboyant jockey said, "in the past, he took abuse from politicians, but at least he had the glory of being famous. Now, he has had to compete for Americans' attention with the controversial Exit Poll." Dan could not remember any past occasion in which the poll had trotted. He firmly believes that Senator Lott is behind it and has coined the incident "Lott-and-Trot-RhymeGate."

Vice President Al Gore, who at one time claimed to have invented the Internet, in a press conference today suggested that Internet polling was quickly replacing the Gallup Poll anyway. Later in the day, deviant hackers broke into Gore's web site and put up a picture of his wife, Tipper, in an erotic position with Yankee Doodle Dan. When asked to comment, Gore allegedly said, "No comment."

The ostentatious jockey later stated that he is glad the hackers of America have come out in support of Gallup.