Taco Bell Installs 'High as Hell' Button

By Josh Cohen

Hoping to boost revenues and better accommodate their key demographics, Taco Bell announced the installation of what it calls the "High As Hell" button on all drive through menus.

The technology behind the button is a closely guarded internal secret, but senior executive at Taco Bell Inc., Horace Bertrand explained that, "pushing the button gives inebriated customers a random two pound allotment of Taco Bell food products in nice, easy to unwrap, packaging with an ample amount of napkins. For an idea of what the average intoxicated customer can expect, two pounds of Taco Bell food is about equal to five Taco Supremes, two Beef Supreme Chalupas, and a Mexican pizza. This is enough food to satisfy a family of 4, or, in our estimate, one high customer with extreme munchies. The cost is only $10 including tax, which allows for easy, thought-free payment."

Asked his reaction to the new button, frequent marijuana smoker and Taco Bell connoisseur Jason Fupa stated, "Man, this is great. I mean, they could basically shove a bunch of beef in a bag and I would eat it, and this way, I don't have to think about what I want. The ordering process goes from five minutes of intense contemplation, to just the time it takes me to get out of the car and smack that sweet button."

"Taco Bell is like a second home to me," says self-declared pothead John Linguis, "mainly because it's open so late. This button is a godsend. I don't care what I get, just give me some food. Usually when I order, I don't remember what I ordered anyway. Whoever came up with this is a true patriot and a genius, I salute him or her."